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    #91
    US Government Job...

    A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a
    job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?"

    "Yes," he says, "I was in Vietnam for three years."

    The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward
    employment."

    And then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

    The guy says, "Yes, 100%... a mortar round exploded
    near me and blew my testicles off."

    The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now.
    The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow.
    Come in at 10:00 A.M."

    The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to
    5:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"

    "This is a government job," the interviewer says.
    "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our nuts...
    no point in your coming in for that."

    Comment

      #92
      Hahaha
      Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.
      - Bruce Lee

      http://www.youtube.com/v/7m-SEdOKrE4...yer_detailpage

      Comment

        #93
        The 10 Worst Restaurant Names

        I'm sure we can find something similar in the Philippines. In the meantime, have fun with these:

        Part 1: http://www.zagat.com/buzz/the-10-wor...aurant-names-0

        Part 2: http://www.zagat.com/buzz/the-10-wor...n=buzz20110914

        Come to think of it, if there's a part 1 and a part 2, then it should be the Top 20 Worst Restaurant Names. Will have to look these up when I go abroad.

        Comment

          #94
          Have you ever noticed that a woman's
          "I'll be ready in five minutes"
          and a man's
          "i'll be home in five minutes"
          are exactly the same?

          __________________________

          A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner.

          DAD: Son, where were you today during school hour?
          SON: At school (Robot slaps Son)
          SON: OK, I went to the movies.
          DAD: Which one?
          SON: Toy Story (Robot slaps Son again)
          SON: OK, it was "Day with a porn star"
          DAD: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! (Robot slaps Dad)
          MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son. (Robot slaps Mom)
          Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.
          - Bruce Lee

          http://www.youtube.com/v/7m-SEdOKrE4...yer_detailpage

          Comment

            #95
            Lie Detector

            I would like to see our candidates for next year's election take a lie detector using this machine

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjVVNuraly8

            Comment

              #96
              A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

              The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

              The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

              The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

              'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

              'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

              If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

              Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

              Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

              Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

              One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
              Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.
              - Bruce Lee

              http://www.youtube.com/v/7m-SEdOKrE4...yer_detailpage

              Comment

                #97
                Beat this



                Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
                - Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

                Comment

                  #98
                  A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

                  His friend says "wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

                  The man then replies, "yeah, well we were married 35 years."
                  Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
                  - Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

                  Comment

                    #99
                    Originally posted by hbt View Post
                    A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

                    The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

                    The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

                    The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

                    'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

                    'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

                    If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

                    Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

                    Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

                    Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

                    One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
                    Nice one HBT. Like, like, like...

                    Comment

                      #100
                      One day, an old man with a carabao in tow, was walking on the highway. When the old man noticed that there is a speeding car about to pass him and the carabao, he decided to hitch a ride so he tried to flag down the said car. The driver, upon seeing the old man flagging him down decided to pull over.

                      Old Man: "can you give me a ride to the next town?".

                      Driver: "yes of course, but what about your carabao"

                      Old Man: "I will tie it behind your car, it can keep up with your car, don't worry"

                      Driver: "Are you sure?, well ok"

                      As they started their way to the next town, the driver decided to have a little fun and wanted to see how fast the carabao can go, so he started to speed up the car... at 20kph... 30kph... 50kph... 70kph... 100kph. But when they were about to hit 120kph, the driver noticed that the carabao's tongue was out hanging already to the left of its mouth.

                      Driver: "hey old man, your carabao seems tired already, shall we slow down?"

                      Old Man: "Why?"

                      Driver: "your carabao seems very tired, its tongue is already out hanging to the left of its mouth."

                      Old Man: "Oh no, do not slow down, go faster"

                      Driver: "why?"

                      Old Man: "Its signalling, its going to overtake us"

                      Comment

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